Separation

I don’t want this to become a mea culpa piece; but, I’ve got some things on my heart that I feel that I must share with you, my readers. As I’ve posted previously, here and here, our son Jim has been seriously ill off and on over the last three years. As you might imagine, it has been incredibly difficult to stand by and watch him suffer from, not only respiratory problems, but from chronic pain issues as well.

Three years ago, when this all began, I was confident that the Lord had a purpose in all of this and that it would only be a short time before He revealed His ultimate plan in all of Jim’s sufferings. I was secure in my Christianity. No storm could come my way that was too large. However, as day passed into day, week into week, month into month, and finally, year into year and there was no revelation from the Lord, I became increasingly discouraged as to what God’s reasoning was in all of Jim’s trials. Dare I say that there was even a hint of anger at God? How on earth could a loving God continue to allow my son to suffer? Why were there no answers? How could a compassionate God continue to hold His wisdom from His servant? As time passed, rather than draw near to God, I slowly moved farther and farther away. I stopped praying. No more scripture for me. I ceased attending the church that had initially given us so much loving support. Eventually, my heart began to harden and I became a reclusive, bitter aging old man.

With the onset of Jim’s latest illness, my mind once again returned to questioning God and His purpose in our lives. I was in a spiritual vaccum….Then, like a bolt from the blue, there was an answer. Folks, I certainly didn’t hear the Lord’s voice; but, there was placed in my mind a thought that was as clear and brilliant as a Colorado winter morning….I cry, even as I type the words, ” I know your pain. I know your anguish. I watched my Son die on a horrible Roman cross. You are not alone.”

Did these words answer my questions? No. However, I finally had the assurance that I needed… The whys don’t matter.